It’s another weekend and while having my bath, I was inspired to really write about the political system in Nigeria.
Daily, I see how many young people struggle to get political relevance in Nigeria and it seems many do not have any idea of how to be a successful politician in Nigeria.
In this piece, I decided to chronicle how to be a successful politician in Nigeria.
1# Do Jazz
Lol! I am sure many of you who know me in person would be surprised how this is the first on my list owing to my strong Christian background. To be very honest, there can only be one explanation to the way some people still support Buhari fanatically: jazz.
To be a successful politician in Nigeria, to sway many, to lie obviously and get away with it, you apparently need obvious jazz and lots of it.
Peradventure you’re not a jazz somebody, you’d need a team of Alfas and Pastors interceding on your behalf daily as the forces in the Nigerian political circle is so great that it takes the supernatural to bow.
2# Provide Stomach Infrastructure before aspiring at all
From what I’ve observed, many successful politicians give out what we all have decided to term “stomach infrastructure”. If you don’t know what that term mean by now, you probably haven’t followed all elections in Nigeria from 1999 till date.
Votes are so cheap in Nigeria that you can get it with “one sachet of noodles”! Incredible right? Lol
Be prepared to give out sachet water, custard powder and the rave of the moment, courtesy of the All Progressives Congress, Bread, and Akara.
Include in your strategic document, the strategic feeding of Bread and Akara across all the polling units in your Ward, LGA, Constituency, State and Zone.
PS: Make enough money to finance yourself for any election you wish to stand up for. No godfather would help you if you don’t raise yourself first.
3# Marry a Christian if you’re Muslim and vice versa
Many successful politicians having served the religious sentiments in the country are always exploiting this. To be a successful politician in Nigeria, you need to exploit this too.
Let me not forget to mention that this applies to the tribal sentiments here. Some politicians marry Muslims, some marry from another state, some marry from another LGA or tribe within the same state.
The choice is yours to decide based on which level of politics you want to play.
4# Marry a Politically Correct Wife
Actually, marriage decisions affect one’s life greatly and there isn’t an exception in politics. Aisha Buhari is very politically correct and just so you know, she facilitated a lot of deals on behalf of her husband in the All Progressives Congress leading to the primaries and also the formation. The admirable Stella Obasanjo of blessed memory also comes to heart here. You need to know how she became a first lady to start with. Not forgetting the fierce Dame Patience Jonathan, she was instrumental in the rise of her husband. If you add fall to the last statement, you’re not far from the truth! Lol.
5# Always Network with Other Like Minds
You cannot take away the place of networking in our political climate. The present cabal didn’t just wake up to become a cabal, they’ve been close associates since way back into the military era.
In other to break into the political scene, also form affiliations with those who share similar aspirations with you or ideologies. Let me quickly say it boldly that even though I hold an egalitarian ideology politically, there’s nothing like “ideology” in the political dictionary of Nigeria.
When I say affiliations, I do not mean political party association or caucus. It goes beyond that.
So guys, how to be a successful politician in Nigeria isn’t far fetched. Doing these five things would not only put you on the path but also set you up to become part of those who decide what happens to the rest of “them”.